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Aug. 12th, 2012

never too late


 I apologize at the outset if I’m not very organized - I keep reminding myself I need to write about this and putting it off because I don’t have the energy.  If enough time goes by I’ll forget it entirely, so I’m going to try to hammer this out now.  Content warnings for homophobia and mention of pedophilia, bestiality, rape and rape culture, racism, etc.

ETA: This rant is dedicated to Jadelyn because she prodded me to actually write it instead of just talking about writing it.


When we talk about marriage equality, Conservatives have a set of arguments they bring to the table pretty consistently.  Most of these arguments are fallacious, insulting, or outright ludicrous, but that never seems to occur to them.  Folks on the pro-side find themselves sitting here wondering why on earth a Conservative would think legalizing gay marriage is the first step on a slippery slope toward legalizing bestiality - the two are nothing alike!  Right?  Pedophilia, same thing.  Anti-equality folks say it’s the next step after legalizing gay marriage.  If we let them fuck people of the same gender, they’ll want to fuck children, obviously!  No, wait, how on earth is that obvious?

I’m struck by how, in the face of these arguments, a lot of us seem to be getting upset for the wrong reasons.  Well, okay, not the ‘wrong’ reasons, maybe, but reasons that actually have nothing to do with the point.  We say things like “They’re comparing us to animals, how dehumanizing!” and “They’re perpetuating the stereotype that all gay men are pedophiles!  How disgusting!” but we’re not really looking at the perceived similarities between what anti-equality folks term, ‘abnormal relationships’.  WHY are they lumping these things in the same category?  Why is child abuse the next logical step forward from a loving relationship between two consenting adults?  And why by all that’s holy and good do they not recognize that the difference between a same-gender partner and a child, a dog, a toaster, or even a female spouse in a polygamous marriage where women are treated as property for religious reasons, is the ability to give meaningful consent???  This isn’t hard, for fuck’s sake!  It should be obvious!

There’s a parallel here that explains most of it, in my humble opinion, and it exists within our own pro-equality arguments and rebuttals, but I don’t see the connection being made very often, and that’s the perception of marriage as a property-transfer transaction.  A lot of times, when the anti-equality crowd brings up what they call “Biblical” or “Traditional” marriage, our side is there reminding them that “Biblical Marriage” involves:

Man + Woman

Man + Several Women

Man + Slave Women

Rapist + Victim (as long as she was a virgin, because if she wasn’t a virgin clearly she wanted it, oh, and also only if she was raped out in the country, because if she was raped in the city she would have screamed and fought and someone would have rescued her, so clearly if she was raped in the city she’s an adulteress who secretly wanted it)

Man + Wife + Wife’s Slaves

Man + Dead Brother’s Wife/Wives

Man + Any Virgin Women Who Survive The Conquest of His Enemies And Can Be Claimed By Him As Spoils of War

Funny thing… what do all these versions of Biblical marriage have in common?  Yeah, you guessed it - property and property transfer.  In the case of the rapist marrying his victim, he has to actually pay her father for damaging his property.  The rest of these either involve dowries or slavery, but regardless, ‘property transfer’ is the watchword of the day.  Of course these days we don’t hold with polygamy - in a world where women only outnumber men by 3% and, in first-world countries like the USA, don’t often die in childbirth anymore, we can’t have any one man hogging too MUCH of the property.  That’s just craziness.  We put a stop to that a long time ago, except for isolationist groups of… oh, right.  Extreme fundamentalist Christian sects.  Biblical Marriage.  Uh-huh.

But let’s look at some of the ways other versions of the property transfer model of marriage have translated in our society.  It was only in 1993 (yes, you read that right) that the last state in the USA removed spousal exemption from rape charges, and as of 1999, 33 of 50 states viewed spousal rape as a lesser crime.  That’s within my lifetime, y’all.  That’s fucked up.  Legally, as a culture, we still see sex as something that a woman owes her husband (the legal exemptions are rarely targeted the opposite way, but since men can be raped I wouldn’t be surprised if it’s been tried).  If you married him, you owe him sex.  Hell, if you listen to Dan Savage, also a proponent of the transactional model of human sexuality, he thinks you owe sex to a person you’re just dating, and if you don’t deliver you have no excuse to complain when they attempt to cajole, coerce, or manipulate you into it then abandon you if you don’t give in.  We construct men as the hunters and women as the hunted, men as genital archaeologists and women as gatekeepers.  If a man has sex with a woman, he’s won and she’s given it away.  Putting aside for the moment all the heteronormative cissexist assumptions of this model, it has another very glaring flaw - it prioritizes acquiring property and conquering resistance over the meaningful consent of two (or more) people.  If you’ve ‘popped a girl’s cherry’ there is a perception that you OWN some part of her that can never be retrieved.  You ‘took’ her virginity, she ‘gave’ it to you.  A transaction was conducted, and you’ve added to your high-value property.

Or let’s look at sexual harassment.  Why is it that a woman alone is easily targeted, but a woman walking with a man is usually left alone?  I have personal experience with this, and also the stories of friends who relate how when they were alone they were seen as available, as owing any random male their attention on demand.  But the minute their brother/father/boyfriend showed up, the other males backed off.  A free woman is free game, but a woman with a man is OWNED, is protected, is property.  And you don’t infringe on someone else’s property.  You see, the thing about property is this: property doesn’t need to consent.  Think of how many POC are descended from the rape of slaves, whose consent was not considered necessary, but who had to have permission from their owners to marry or choose their own mates.  Their sexuality was controlled by their owners, and the expectation of the right to that control and the expectation of the right to lesser forms of control, such as the type many women experience today, while not equal, stem from the same source.

So we can see how the property transaction model of marriage, or even just of human relationships, still persists in our society and affects the way we view men, women, and the relationships between them.  How, then, does it affect the way in which we view relationships between men and men, women and women, people who are genderqueer with people who are binary and vice versa, and people who are trans*, either binary or non-binary?  It’s fairly easy to get hold of.  We’ve labeled its manifestations ‘homophobia’ or ‘heterosexism’ but I think their roots lie in the transactional model.  Think for a moment how often oblivious straight couples demand to know “Who’s the woman” in a relationship between two men.  Think about how a gay man is expected to behave effeminately, or a lesbian woman is expected to be butch.  Think about how we insist, as a culture, that queer relationships resemble hetersexual relationships through gender-markers and power-structures.  Someone has to be the ‘man’ and someone has to be the ‘woman’ even if there’s no man, no woman, or neither man nor woman involved in the relationship!  Someone has to top, someone has to bottom.  Someone has to be seme and someone has to be uke, to borrow the egregious stereotypical terms of the yaoi genre, which is so heavily dominated by straight women.  We expect someone to be property and someone else to be the owner, and we don’t know how to handle it if they’re not.

In a culture where the relationship between property and owner as it concerns human beings has been habitually defined by two factors - gender and skin color - a same-sex or non-binary relationship violates tradition.  If two men are fucking, how can one own the other?  They’re both men!  If two women are fucking, who owns them?  Do they imagine NOBODY owns them?  How dare they!  Lesbians are subject to ‘corrective’ rape at an astronomical rate, and you’ll never convince me it has nothing to do with the transactional model, especially for lesbian POC who suffer the majority of that particular breed of violence.  Guess what else is treated like property in our society?  If you guessed ‘children’, who generally aren’t allowed full choices, bodily autonomy, or true independence until they’re considered adults, you’d be right.  You’d also be right if you answered ‘pets’ or ‘livestock’.  Wonder of wonders, those are the very parties anti-equality folks believe we’ll jump to fucking if we’re allowed to fuck someone of the same gender.  It doesn’t occur to them that the slippery slope doesn’t exist because our standard is NOT “relationships that violate the standard (transactional) model”, our standard is “who can give clear, quality consent to being in a relationship?  Well, then, let’s not restrict them!”  To them, the slippery slope exists because if you are allowed to START fucking around with the transactional model, there’s no telling how else you’ll fuck around with the transactional model.  They use polygamy as a bogeyman for their own hang-ups and insecurities, claiming we’ll allow a return to “a time when women were treated like property”, not knowing or perhaps deliberately obfuscating the fact that healthy, egalitarian polyamorous relationships exist and their existence harms no one and destabilizes nothing.  They just know that the idea of making people property scares and disgusts us - it must, because we insist on having bizarre, abnormal relationships where no one is owned, controlled, or trapped in a power imbalance.

So, to sum up, Conservatives, Traditionalists, and Anti-Equality Bigots in general don’t twig to the consent standard because they are accustomed to a model of marriage that does not involve a consent standard.  I’m not trying to say none of them practice, or care about, consent in their own personal relationships; I’m talking about what they were raised to expect, the implications of the model they were given, and how that influences what they see as ‘natural’ or ‘traditional’.  The thread of Marriage-As-Property-Transfer runs through all the heterosexist and homophobic arguments I commonly hear.  Even folks who mean well fall into that trap.  ”Who’s pitching and who’s catching?” and “Who’s the man in the relationship?” are just further manifestations of how our cissexist, heterosexist, and patriarchal cultural narratives all tie into each other to create a gigantic ball of oppressive crap that we have to work constantly to dig ourselves out from under, otherwise known as ‘intersectionality and why it’s important’.  

Do I think it’s the only objection they have to marriage equality?  No - objections run the gamut from “The Bible says it so I believe it whether or not it makes any sense whatsoever,” to “It’s GROSS therefore it shouldn’t be legal,” and a hundred creative variations in between.  But when you hear the watchwords ‘Biblical’ or ‘Traditional’, remember this is what they’re talking about - marriage as a transaction, in which human property changes hands from one owner to another.  They’re talking about a marriage in which the husband is the head of the house and the wife submits to him, and they’re acknowledging, whether they realize it or not, that that dynamic is automatically subverted when you’re allowed to have two husbands or two wives.

Jul. 14th, 2012

never too late

(no subject)

 Author's notes: Fanfic contains explicit BDSM.  Characters have negotiated kinks and consent, but TWs for sexual violence apply, and they are nowhere near as careful as they should be because they're Sith and don't really give a fuck.  NSFW.  Also, Riley speaks Galactic Standard and Kryos speaks Ryl.
Read more...Collapse )

Jul. 3rd, 2012


Sneaking on at Work

In case any of my friends come by here looking for me. My internet is still out. Time Warner has no ETA on when it will be fixed. There are a lot of problems up here in Columbus from the storm on Friday, some places are still without power. I'll be back whenever I'm back, I'm afraid, and I can't get on instant message clients or facebook so this is my only resort.

Jun. 18th, 2012

never too late

I'm just gonna leave this here.

NC-17 Star Wars fic under cut, probably full of inaccuracies because I'm not nearly as geeky about Star Wars as I am about Star TrekCollapse )

May. 27th, 2012

never too late


Is June 15-17th!

Anybody going with me? I'll be there with PFLAG doing facepainting and marching!

May. 8th, 2012

never too late

Thoughts on a Petition

No, not a social justice petition. XD A petition to a deity.

One of my best friends contacted me today to tell me the results of her latest battery of tests were inconclusive. She says her doctor is highly frustrated with the limited options for diagnostic care that are available in her area. Her medical problems are severe and life-threatening. This sort of thing seems to fall pretty squarely into Asklepius’ hands - the need for diagnostic assistance and medical resources.

I hang with a good number of atheists, and it seems one of their pet peeves is when people thank God (or the gods) for things that human professionals, especially doctors, have accomplished. I understand why this bothers them - doctors, for instance, go to school for years and years, bust their asses doing research, serving unpaid internships, working terrible hours, and submitting themselves to the gauntlet of Klingon Pain Sticks that is ‘peer review’ before they arrive in a position where they can serve as a medical authority. They spend years sometimes up to their elbows in cadavers to learn how to take out your appendix. They deserve credit for their craft. I’m not saying all doctors are wonderful people, or even intelligent people, because I know there are plenty of assholes in the profession, but the fact remains that becoming a doctor is a lot of work, and continuing to be a good doctor, especially to patients with chronic conditions, is a lot of work.

A note: I like to begin petitions, especially to deities I don’t often work with, by introducing myself and delineating the relationship between my Patron and the deity in question. I do this as a sign of respect, because I know if some johnny-come-lately started demanding my assistance out of the blue I’d be giving them the side-eye and wondering why I should help them. For instance, in this case, Hekate and Asklepius are first cousins once removed. I then address the deity by titles and lineage, another show of respect.

So my petition looks something like this:
I am Sonneillon
Servant of Hekate
Daughter of Asteria
Whose sister was Leto
Whose son was Apollon
Who by unfaithful Koronis
Fathered Asklepius
Whose aid I implore.

To the divine medicus, Asklepius, son of bright Apollon
Father of Hygeia, Panakeia, Iaso, and Aceso,
From whom the people seek solace from ills of every kind
Greatest of mortal physicians, conqueror even of Hades curse,
Condemned for thy skill and later exalted among the stars,
I petition thy aid.

May the fire of divine inspiration descend on Dr. (redacted for privacy)
May the truth reveal itself to her
May the resources she desires fly to her fingertips
May any hurdles in her path fall before her
May she walk in the blessings of the Great Healer
May her peers see blessing shining from her and aid her in her quest for knowledge
May the right path lay itself down under her feet so that she cannot err
May she be justly rewarded for her dedication in seeking truth and healing

May. 6th, 2012

never too late

Disgraceful Police Conduct.

New Police Strategy in New York - Sexual Assault Against Peaceful Protesters
never too late


Witchvox published my article on gender roles in modern Paganism (emphasis on Wicca and Wicca-derived practices) after all.

Apr. 29th, 2012

never too late

(no subject)

Lincoln High School in Walla Walla, WA, tries new approach to school discipline — suspensions drop 85 percent

Amazing. Where was this when we were kids?
never too late


Me: *standing at the stove cooking corn pasta*

Boo: ... I am here.

Me: *eyebrow arch* Really?

Boo: Yes.

Me: Are you sure you're not over there?

Boo: .... No?

Me: Maybe you'd better check to make sure.

Boo: ....? .... Who are you talking to?

Me: You. Who else would I be talking to?

Boo: *looks around, retrieves cup of milk* Milk?

Me: I don't talk to milk, honey. The milk can't hear me.

Boo: *holds up milk, makes squeaky voice for milk* Yes I can!

Me: *DED*
never too late

Random Sunday Update

So church was fun today.  It was the youth-led service and in general I thought they did great.  Since I'm still kind of new I had no idea who was in the youth groups or what they were up to.  We wrote things on rice-paper slips and burned them in a cauldron, but the 11 o'clock service was a lot more crowded than the 9:30 service so when they lit the paper slips, there was a huge WOOSH of flame and everybody was like O_O.

I wore my sai necklace for the first time in years and, no exaggeration, five random people stopped me to ask me about it.  One of them called a Japanese church member over to basically say, "look at her necklace!!!!" and I felt pretty awkward about that because people always calling you over to point out anything that may possibly be connected to your culture gets really old really fast.  So I just said "Hi" and "Nice to meet you" and said absolutely nothing about it and let him get on to shit he probably actually WANTED to do. 

Nothing was really on the schedule this week except Women's Spirituality (for those who don't know, that's code-speak for 'where the Pagans hang out'), which I'm already going to, though I utterly forget what the theme is supposed to be (Motherhood and Remembrance?  I think?).  So I signed up for a meeting aimed toward beginning meaningful conversations about social justice, and I also tentatively signed up for the church Work Day to come and have breakfast and then do landscaping stuff.  Manual Labor FTW.  The husband and I have a ton of stuff planned for that Saturday already but this is early morning so I can probably squeeze it in.  So I'll do that until sometime between 10-12, then drive the boo to his grandma's, then come back and have dinner-and-movie night with my husband thanks to one of my customers giving me a free dinner for two at her son's restaurant.  (Normally we can't afford to go out.)  We'll be seeing The Avengers, so looking forward to that.

Finally got around to fixing my juice-cup garden today.  None of the water from the storm two days ago had evaporated, probably because it rained yesterday.  I should have punched holes in the bottom of the cups for irrigation, but since they're just starters, I didn't figure it'd be a big deal.  Went through and picked all the flotsam blown into the cups by the storm, fixed the ones that got overturned, all the seeds seem fine.  Considering getting some clips to stabilize them and moving them into more direct sunlight.  We go through a lot of two-liters at my workplace, so I'm going to try that DIY Sub-Irrigated Planter idea I saw somewhere on tumblr last week.  I'm sure the neighbors think my efforts are ugly and tacky, but for a Witch my green thumb is sorely lacking and I'd like to get something grown this year.

It's an absolutely beautiful day and I want to go out and do something so badly, but I have no idea what, so I've just thrown the doors open and let the breeze in.

Apr. 24th, 2012

never too late

Well, I got him to eat.

It was a battle and a half. Lots of crying, lots of dramatic choking, more than a little spitting up. Chicken noodle soup and a cup of cold tea with honey. By the time it was over, he was taking bites of noodles and chicken without crying and near to guzzling the tea. This is good and necessary because he's barely eaten anything in two days and has been crying and fever-sweating constantly, so getting some salts and nutrients in him, and replacing fluids, was IMPORTANT.

So I'm happy, and he got a popsicle for his efforts.
never too late

Sick Boo is Sick

He was up literally all night, sleeping in fits broken by periods of hysterical crying because his throat hurts so badly, and he can’t cough because it hurts, and can’t eat or drink because it hurts. He had a fever and was sweaty, and is generally snotty, though that may be because he can’t swallow.

Pediatrician said it’s probably a virus, nothing to do but wait it out. She obvsly wasn’t up until 5am with him last night. She said he can have cough suppressant medicine and warm tea with honey, which is a remedy I can totes get behind. It still hurts him to swallow, but he’s a good boo, so he’s drinking it because I told him to and at this point he’s in a state of pure, blind trust because Mama is magic and nothing else is working. He’s too young to gargle - he still swallows most of his toothpaste despite endless explanations about how he’s not supposed to. Otherwise I’d have him gargling salt water.

He’s so miserable, poor thing.

Apr. 21st, 2012

never too late

On the heels of the last one!

Some more pics! Specifically of Dezi's constantly-evolving I R CERNUNNOS outfit, and of the fireworks festival cloak and steed.
Pics Under CutCollapse )
never too late

So! I haven't done this for a while.

It's been a while since I posted any LotRO pics, but I have been taking them, so here they are! I got some pretty fireworks pictures from the anniversary festival... nice graphics, though I'm not enjoying the quests.

Pictures of Characters, Gameplay, and FIREWORKS under the cut!Collapse )

So that's basically it!

Apr. 16th, 2012


Witch Stuff

So here's a general practice update for those of you who care about such things.

In which I start veiling and give my girly-parts a work-outCollapse )

Still haven't gotten around to making a new anklet, OR blessing the new car. Will update y'all when it happens.

Apr. 15th, 2012

never too late

(no subject)


I'm stuck on Arriving at Diagon Alley. What do I have to do to get to Harry and Hagrid Visit Gringotts?

Apr. 13th, 2012

never too late

(no subject)

My best friend, who already has Cogenital Adrenal Hydroplasia along with all it's associated fuckery, on the distinct possibility that she may also have Sjorgen's Syndrome:

"Autoimmune diseases are the best proof against an omnipotent, benevolent deity, because they are completely [stupid]. An omnipotent creator would have to be like Lucy at an assembly line."

Apr. 12th, 2012

never too late

A Poem for Aphrodite

Out of the sea came Aphrodite
formed of sea foam
riding a clam shell.
And with her she carried
all the dreams of the people
their great loves
and base lusts
in blood-soaked cords to bind us all together
so that we might never escape each other.
For all humans know longing,
and longing is older than love
and deeper
and more dire.

And in the union of love and longing
we bring together water and fire
black pyre with ashes
of sacrificed hearts
and ancient tidal power
which pulls each of us into decaying orbit.
For what is the red cord if not
and what are we if not stars
of stardust born
of hydrogen, oxygen, nickel, and iron,
eternally circling, pulled by inner forces,
drawn by the impulse to collide.

As we come together in a great shattering
new missiles are born and sent spinning
into the cosmos in search of ecstatic collisions
of their own.
Throughout the universe not one
can wholly escape Her inexorable guidance
as we act on every body
and are acted upon
true as physics
terrible as Aphrodite.

copywrite SonneillonV, credit if you share
never too late

(no subject)


Okay, all fictional characters EVER. Repeat after me: When I meet someone new, someone I am sweet on, I do not own THEM, their HISTORY, or their previous romantic relationships. Except insomuch as it informs the anti-STI precautions you take with them, which you should always take anyway, it does not matter how much they dated, fooled around, or were serially monogamous, as long as it was in a consensual and respectful manner. I don't care if a guy was with one girl for ten years or ten girls for a day, if nobody got hurt, you don't get to be jealous of the previous lovers.

And that goes for all genders. SERIOUSLY. People's lives and hearts aren't yours to OWN.
Tags: ,

Apr. 11th, 2012

never too late


The state has fixed our insurance status! We are now covered! The pharmacy, after much finagling, managed to figure out how to get our very confused insurance status to cover Husband's meds! Husband is currently on his way to pick up precious, precious Seroquel!


Apr. 10th, 2012

never too late

(no subject)

Boo: *randomly wanders over and hugs me, puts his head right against my mouth*

Me: *kisses that boo head*

Boo: *halfheartedly* Stooooop thaaaaaat… *wiggles butt as if trying to escape while still holding on with arms*

Me: *more kisses*

Boo: Nuuuuuu, stop that you cutie.

Apr. 7th, 2012

never too late

(no subject)

Kid's TV Show: What does a guitar sound like?

Me: So, what DOES a guitar sound like?

Da Boo: Ummmmmm... like a drum!

Me: Like a drum? A guitar sounds like a drum?

Da Boo: *despite owning his own little guitar* I guess I don't know what a guitar sounds like.

Me: *plays YouTube video of what some dude thinks are the 10 best guitar solos ever* Is this what a guitar sounds like?

Da Boo: No! That's not what a guitar sounds like!

Me: Are you sure?

Da Boo: *comes over to see what's on my screen, sees it is obviously a guitar, puts hands over his ears* o_o Okay, I guess that IS what a guitar sounds like. Can you turn it off now?

Me: YOU CAN'T HANDLE THE ROCK! *DEVIL HORNS* *cough* *goes back to Tumblr*

Apr. 6th, 2012

Slytherin Doom

The deal. Another deal? So many deals.

A few days ago we got a letter from Job and Family Services saying our Medicaid coverage would be terminated on 4/30/12 because of non-compliance with the reapplication process. I made a confused phone call to Job and Family Services which basically amounted to, "But we were there two days ago. We brought all our paperwork. We were told we were in good shape with Medicaid and Food Stamps even though we had to opt out of TANF." The very nice woman on the phone said the letter was probably mailed before the appointment - because things are so hectic over there right now, what with 1/3 of their offices being shut down thanks to budget cuts and the remaining case load shuffled onto the other offices who, due to budget cuts, were not allowed to hire more people to deal with the additional work, the mailers can get a little off-schedule and mixed up.

I assured her I totally understood this and I hate our governor John Kasich for his retrofuck worship of Scott Walker, because they're the ones who thought severely slashing the mental health budget was JUST SUCH A SHINY PERFECT IDEA, and I'm not upset with JaFS, I just want to know if we have insurance.

"You're good," she assures me. "You totes have insurance. I'm looking at the notes and the notes say you're in full compliance and you're assigned these benefits."

So that's great, and my husband's burgeoning anxiety attack was averted.

Today my husband went to the store to pick up things. Among these things was his seroquel prescription for the next month. He's already out of pills and a little late getting in because my work schedule was unexpectedly hectic this week, due to my only teller coworker having a family emergency that required me to take his shifts. He gets there, they run his insurance.

Cancelled. You may have noticed it is NOT 4/30/12 yet. My husband's anxiety attack is now three times as severe as the first one.

Seroquel, even the generic kind, is $200 for a month's supply. Because we just had to opt out of TANF, we are operating at a little over $450 in DEFICIT every month. We are pulling from our savings until I get my second job, which, as I pointed out before, will mean working twelve-hour days three days a week. We attempted to donate plasma, but apparently I have superficial veins and Husband's meds change his blood chemistry too much.

Job and Family Services is not in on Saturdays or Sundays. The very earliest I could talk to them would be Monday. They will probably require us to undergo the full reapplication process, including submission of paperwork and appearance at mandatory appointments, which could take at least a week.

Husband is going to start physical withdrawal TOMORROW.

Seroquel is a class 2 controlled substance in the state of Ohio. Pharmacies, as far as I can tell, are not allowed to do a partial refill on class 2 controlled substances. Otherwise we'd try buying three or four pills and stretching them as far as we could. My understanding of class 2 controlled is that they must be filled exactly as the doctor prescribed them, anything else opens up the pharmacy to lawsuits. I am going there tomorrow to try to bargain with them anyway.

As a reminder, Husband has severe bi-polar disorder NOS (meaning atypical). Seroquel is basically the foundation of his entire med regimen. He cannot have antidepressants because they will trigger a manic phase. He cannot have anti-anxiety meds because they will trigger depression. At this point we are trying to decide which state is the least dangerous, with the possibility of intentionally medicating him onto whichever of his poles he can survive the longest. It's harder than you'd think. Anxiety is not depression, but when he is anxious he self-harms and is actively suicidal. Depression is terrible, severe depression (he's rated at 4x 'normal' severity, whatever the hell that means besides "Shit, you're DEPRESSED"), but the up-side is he is too depressed and listless to get the energy to commit suicide or cut himself. Unfortunately, our son fits into this equation. My husband is the one watching him during the day, and if he's in a haze of total depression or in a self-harming frenzy of anxiety, the boo will suffer. I have no choice - I have to work, because with a little hard work and effort and shiny bootstraps you can totes get ahead in life.

When I say that health care in the US is fucked up and broken, this is what I mean. Republicans and Libertarians accuse progressives of 'whining' about this shit. I am not whining. I am fully fucking enraged. I am ready to go on a fucking bender of destruction and tear the establishment down around their fucking ears. I want my family safe and healthy, damn it. I want my husband to get the fucking meds he needs to live some semblance of a worthwhile life! (Note here: I mean worthwhile TO HIM, since in both his severe BPD phases he becomes convinced life is not worth living.) I want the bigoted, privileged, smug, retrofuck dipshits who push tax cuts for 'job creators' while hacking away at the social safety net and fighting a racist and destructive 'war on drugs' and otherwise refusing to respect the bodily autonomy of anyone other than straight white able-bodied white men to die in a fucking chemical fire. I want to curse them with boils and sores and flesh-eating viruses. I want to see them rot from the inside. And I want to stand there and tell them, "No, you can't get any help, because YOU'RE FUCKING ASSHOLES who set this system into place and NOW YOU GET TO DIE BY IT, YOU WORTHLESS FUCKING SHIT STAIN. MAY YOUR FUCKING KARMA RETURN TO YOU."

But of course I cannot do this because of responsibilities.

So instead I rage on my journal, and on Tumblr.

And while objectively it doesn't do a bit of good, I love y'all for listening.

Fuck this. I need to pray. I need to go pray so hard.

Apr. 5th, 2012

never too late

(no subject)

So. I'm probably getting a second job. This second job, if I get it, will require me to be at work at 6am three or four days a week, work until 11am, go to my other job at noon, and work there until 6:30. Twelve hour work days for me.

I have to do this for two reasons. A) I was rejected from giving plasma, and so was the husband. Apparently, my veins are superficial (there's a joke in there somewhere), and his BPD meds change his blood chemistry too much. B) The safety net in the United States of America is broken as shit. We were receiving $450 a month in TANF benefits (welfare), and we were still operating at a small monthly deficit. However, upon reassessment, I am making too much money to receive $450 a month. In fact, I am only eligible for $57 a month now. Except, I'm not working enough hours to receive the $57, so if I wanted it, I'd have to go work for Job and Family Services to get it.

So I'm not working enough hours, but I'm making too much money on my $10.20/hour salary.

Whatever, player.

Apr. 2nd, 2012

fictional characters

LotR News

So, I haven't posted anything LotRO related in a long time, mostly because I have not played LotRO in a long time. But when I did play, I caught the Treasure Hunt event, which actually turned out to be pretty boring and frustrating IMHO, but other people seem to like it. I was lucky - on my very first try, I landed one of the best mounts you could win. Actually, I wanted the Cave Claw horse because I thought it looked cool. I think the Treasure-Laden Goat is really ugly. But it is one of the fastest mounts in the game, and as I ride along, coins fall out of the bags and bags of gold piled onto the goat.

Thus leading me to informally title this picture, They see me rollin' / They hatin'


Those two little round things behind the goat are the coins falling.
Tags: ,

Mar. 27th, 2012

never too late

... Wow.

From Think Progress:

Yesterday, Forbes’ Roger Friedman asked if Fox would pull Neighborhood Watch, an action comedy about overzealous neighborhood watchmen whose vigilance turns out to be justified when they have to battle an alien invasion.

Obviously, they're asking them if they'll pull it because it has unfortunate implications in the wake of Trayvon Martin's murder, but frankly, I see unfortunate implications even outside that context. Let me break it down for you -

This 'comedy' is about overzealous WHITE men (Ben Stiller and Vince Vaughn lead the line-up, though the guys in the back seat do seem to be POC) policing their neighborhood to keep out undesirable aliens.




Mar. 26th, 2012

never too late


OMG this guy makes me blub. I so hope he goes into politics!

Mar. 24th, 2012

never too late

(no subject)

I just watched the first episodes of Legend of Korra.


Mar. 23rd, 2012


Christian Values(tm)

What Americans need to realize is that the values that keep the rulers of the United States from doing things like forcing children to fight each other to the death are Christian values. The values that ended the death matches in Rome were Christian values. The values that ended slavery in England were Christian values. And, the values that should be crying out against such violence in movies like THE HUNGER GAMES are Christian values.

The values that led to the Crusades were Christian values. The values that led to the Inquisition were Christian values. The values that led to the Salem Witch Trials were Christian values. The values that led to slavery were Christian values. The values that lead to anti-Islam, anti-Pagan, and anti-GLBT policies and sentiment in local governments, schools, and businesses, are Christian values. The values of those waging an anti-choice war against women are Christian values. The values that cause people to viciously attack transgender people for the heinous crime of existing in public are Christian values. The values that lead to Creationism being taught in schools but no sexual education, therefore putting our children at risk of disease, pregnancy, abuse, and other severe reproductive health problems because they have no information, are Christian values. The values that enabled the cover-up and continuance of the abuse of millions of children in both Catholic and Protestant congregations because men of God should not have to deal with the consequences of their perversions... Christian values.

Do not fucking behave like Christians have the monopoly on morality. Don't try to sell me that bullshit. I will spit it back in your face. Plenty of Christians manage to be wonderful people despite the deity-sanctioned rape, slavery, genocide, and baby-killing in their holy book. Plenty of non-Christians manage to be wonderful people, who are appalled and disgusted by the idea of sentencing children to mortal combat for entertainment purposes, without having to be told to react that way by the Christian deity or by ANY deity. I don't need Hekate, Dionysus, Persephone, or Hermes to stand over my shoulder going, "Now, this is bad, so you must not do this." I can figure that out on my own. Both my cognition and my empathy function just fine without divine intervention.

If you really believe what you're shilling, I wonder, can you say the same?

Mar. 22nd, 2012

going nowhere

I have a lot of feelings. Again. Still.

This is an entry without point or purpose. I don't need advice so much as I need to express myself.

Rambling under cutCollapse )
Slytherin Doom

(no subject)

So. We just lost our TANF benefits.

That's a budget cut of $450 a month.

We were already operating at a deficit.

We could still get $57 of benefits, but I'd have to go to work for JaFS for twelve additional hours on top of my current work schedule. Because, you see, I'm not working enough, but I'm being paid too much.

I will be doing ritual for this. I don't know what yet, but my impulses are... dark. And burning. Something has to change.

You want to know why I'm a progressive? You want to know why I'm passionate about social justice? You want to know why I push this shit until everyone around me is sick of it? This is why. Because I'm fucking living it.

Mar. 12th, 2012

never too late

(no subject)

Watching the premiere of "Good Christian Belles". You'd think with my background I'd be getting more schadenfreudian enjoyment out of this, but truthfully, all I can think is, "Oh. Another show about people who are so wealthy it makes me feel like shit."

EDIT: There's a difference between Rich People Who Make Me Feel Like Shit and Rich People. Bill Gates, for example, can live in a SPACE SHIP crafted to look exactly like the U.S.S. Enterprise and I wouldn't resent him for it because I'm pretty sure if I met him HE wouldn't make me feel like shit. So there's a difference.

Mar. 10th, 2012

never too late

Whose policies contribute to the wellness of human beings?

Social Progressives, or Conservative Theologicals? This article is very biased, but also very well-cited and interesting.

Mar. 9th, 2012

never too late

Signal Boosting

Apparently, women need our own personhood amendment. Please read and sign this Change.Org petition demanding that the government protect our legal rights as if we were human beings, not just incubators.

Mar. 8th, 2012

never too late


At least they can still talk about being Takei in Utah.

never too late

So, This Is Actually News

Lady Yeshe Rabbit, who has been distinguishing herself in the Pantheacon Gender Controversy by apologizing for Z's trans*phobia all over the place, actually retired from Z's lineage over the issues raised at PantheaCon. Her explanation is at the link.

Even the improvements she plans to make for her new "Pan-Dianic" coven, the Bloodroot Honey Priestess Tribe, are problematic. She still insists on believing menstrual and childbirth mysteries are the exclusive province of women, as if trans* men don't exist. But she has set herself on the path of being more inclusive, and I can only hope that she continues on that path, and gets some education on trans* issues while she's at it. I feel like this entire controversy has been one hell of an education, being alternately explained, proclaimed, and outright spat from the mouths of Z's detractors, ad infinitum, ad nauseum. When you fight for social justice on the internet, you are never guaranteed that the people standing opposite you are paying any attention to what you're saying. I would like to believe that this schism is an indication that Lady Yeshe Rabbit was paying attention, but not knowing her personally, I couldn't say how long this split has been in the making.

Regardless, it's a step in a good direction. I have very cautious optimism that we may be seeing the rumblings of a larger response.

Mar. 7th, 2012

never too late


So, apparently, the recent tornados which left at least 39 people dead in Minnesota were a direct sign from God.

Quoth John Piper: "Jesus rules the wind," the Bethlehem Baptist Church preacher affirmed. "The tornadoes were his."

Is it me, or does Jesus sound a whole lot like Set, what with the arbitrary chaos and wanton love of destruction? Also, I Kings 19:11-B,

"Then a great and powerful wind tore the mountains apart and shattered the rocks before the LORD, but the LORD was not in the wind."

Just sayin'. But then again, I guess it's a whole lot less bothersome to equate Jesus to destructive storms than it is to consider that the activities of human beings are having an affect on the weather, which is growing more destructive with every passing year. Obvsly.

Mar. 6th, 2012



The moon is waxing gibbous and as I drove to the grocery store (a witch is a witch all the time, after all), I started composing in my head a hymn to Hekate. I'm not the world's best with software, but I tried to record myself singing it. For most of you, this will be the first time you've heard me singing! If I sound a little weird and breathy, it's because A) I'm sitting very improperly and B) I'm singing very quietly because Jake is asleep.

Media Under CutCollapse )
never too late

Remember That One Time...

*falls over laughing*

never too late

In Brief

I said as much to another waitress at Fran's. A group of white men and their Asian girlfriends were at the table next to me. I said to my white waitress: "Doesn't it bother you when you see so many white men with Asian women? They are taking away your chances of having a husband and children." The poor girl looked bewildered, but didn't disagree with me. She continues to give me good service when I go there, so she clearly didn't mind (or find racist) what I said to her.

Dear Camera Lucida: Both this waitress, and the waiter you name earlier in your entry, exist in a customer service capacity in relation to you. They cannot disagree with you even if they disagree, because that may jeopardize their jobs in an economy which is not friendly to the unemployed. I am also forced to smile and nod my head at the various dipshit things my customers say throughout the day. I even occasionally make agreeable noises when I am wishing I could bust out a verbose rant of epic proportions and show them exactly who they're fucking with. But I'm a customer service representative, so I smile and nod, and I HATE it, because I know bigots like you will take my noncommittal attitude to mean that everyone secretly agrees with you.

Guess what. We don't. We just tolerate you, and your bullshit, because we need the money.
never too late

More on The Need For Gender Diversity in Pagan Divinity

Recently Jadelyn and I had a brief discussion on her blog about some of our lingering difficulties with masculine divinity. We were both raised Christian and converted later, and were talking about how our experiences with gender roles still affect our spirituality, especially when contrasted to the experiences of second- and third-gen Pagans who have grown up with our faith. We both hope that as Paganism ages, and as we raise more children, the emphasis on a strict gender polarity will ease and allow more images of trans* deities, gay, lesbian, and bisexual deities, and deities who shape-change with gleeful abandon.

Read MoreCollapse )

Feb. 28th, 2012

never too late

Attn: Frankling Graham: “Political correctness gone amok” is not a new phrase.

I hear this approximately once a week. "It's political correctness gone/run amok!" I'm fortunate that I usually hear it on TV, or on the radio, or I see it written somewhere on the internet. The people who are saying it are usually not connected to me in any way, which is good; if they were, we'd have an argument. In fact, I have had that argument repeatedly with one of my best friends. We've since resolved not to talk about it, or indeed, about anything remotely political.

The reason is this: I don't think Political Correctness Run Amok is a bad thing. Read MoreCollapse )
going nowhere

More on Transphobia and Pantheacon

Since I last posted, there has been more discussion in the Pagan blogosphere about trans* exclusion at PantheaCon. Read MoreCollapse )

Feb. 27th, 2012

never too late

Signal Boosting

Every Part of You Belongs to You.


She’d done what she’d heard whispered about at work in the diner, put a red kerchief on her window sill and closed the sash, just letting it hang there, and after about three days she’d noticed it was gone. In its place was a little flowerpot with a little violet sitting precariously on the ledge. She’d found the packet with the pills and the paper inside the dirt, under the roots, and almost wept with relief.

Now, she waited for something to happen. Maybe the cops would come. Maybe it was all a set-up. Her kids slept on. She could hear her upstairs neighbor kick on his video game machine and load some game with a lot of machine guns.

There was a knock at her door, and Rachel felt her heart almost stutter. She plodded to the door. Maybe she could just ignore it and it would all go away. She was in the process of reaching for the doorknob when she was seized with a cramp and she had to freeze, suck in a breath. No, there was no going back, not since she’d swallowed a few pills the day before.

She swung the door open and was grabbed by the arms before she could even say anything.

“This won’t take long,” someone hissed in her ear. “We love you. Every part of you belongs to you.”

Feb. 21st, 2012


I stand with my trans* siblings.

[Content Note: Transphobia]

Some of you may remember that last year at PantheaCon there was a bit of a dust-up: Z. Budapest, a great feminist leader of Dianic paganism, held a women-only circle that was advertised as being for all women, to celebrate the diversity of femininity. Trans* women were turned away at the door.

Lots of talking happened afterward. CAYA held a conference to discuss trans* inclusion in pagan rituals, an anthology was published as a result (I was never able to fully endorse this conference because I never got an answer about how many Trans* people were invited to attend and speak as authorities on their own experience). This year, PantheaCon chose "Unity and Diversity" as their theme, and Z. Budapest attended again. Her only contribution? A Dianic ritual circle "For Genetic Women Only".

There is not enough desk for the amount of head-desking I am doing. Continued Under CutCollapse )

ETA: Edited for preferred terminology and to reflect that the words 'trans' and 'cis' are adjectives, not prefixes

Feb. 16th, 2012

never too late

I want to live on a commune with my friends.

My husband might be coming home from the psych ward tomorrow.

Obviously this fills me with joy. It has not been an easy week having him gone, frantically calling people to beg for help, having to reschedule or miss work at a very bad time to be doing that, juggling Jake's schedule and mine and flailing about wildly in the effort to find him free childcare, because we cannot afford daycare. Also doing all of Mike's chores around the house (actually I don't think I did them all because I only did the obvious ones, and he does a lot of cleaning and maintenance that is not immediately obvious) and trying to get in touch with Jobs and Family Services about the job assessment he missed, with absolutely no success.

Cut for emotions. I haz a lot of them.Collapse )

Feb. 14th, 2012

never too late

(no subject)

I have recently discovered that my comfort eating, a habit I am trying to break, increases sharply in frequency and severity when my husband isn't around.

Feb. 13th, 2012

never too late

This is a Public Service Announcement.


Reading comprehension.

It is your friend.

That is all.

Feb. 12th, 2012

never too late

Contest 3

I've sent in my entries for Fashion in Motion and Formal Extravagance, but I'm considering entering a third category - Professionally Minded! I put Wyn's fire-themed outfit in the wardrobe and let Dezi have a crack at it. Suited up, he went down to Thorin's Hall where the forges are vast, glowing ovens in a hall shimmering with heat, and put his tool set to good use.

I took a variety of screen shots. Which do you think I should submit?

Pics Under CutCollapse )

Let me know!

Previous 50

never too late

August 2012



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